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my name is michael d. and i have a fully fledged pbs kids internet license

leftforbed:

leftforbed:

mcsnuggie:

true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn

why would the movie eat my popcorn

nevermind i get it

paradisaic:

paradisaic:

my mom wouldn’t let me get a ferret when i was younger because she thought it would turn me gay

well guess what mom it wasn’t the ferret that did it

ifyoucarryonthisway:

do you ever wonder what you would look like at your full potential like perfect hair and clear skin and a perfect body like damn

airagorn:

dumb story because i think i’m funny

we were watching a movie in school and there was a scene where this guy was driving over lava and they kept showing close up shots of the tires catching on fire and i started laughing and my friend kept asking me what was so funny and when i finally composed myself i took a deep breathe and whispered

‘hot wheels’

inbox:

inbox:

i like mcdonalds french fries better than the burgers

i actually like mcdonalds french fries better than most people

dysenterygay:

i asked my italian grandfather if the rough parts of italy were called the spaghetto and look at me w/ so much shame